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ka faraq gatri

lie around me where they fall // before the new day

the oncoming storm

flustered

nearly a thousand years old, and still haven't quite got the hang of it. well...

it took a short walk
and a talk
to change
the rules of engagement
while you searched frantically for reverse
and then claiming
that virtue never tested
is no virtue at all
and so i lost my ignorance
and now
the bells across the river
chime out your name
i look across to them again


- "Must I Paint You A Picture?", Billy Bragg

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February 11th, 2009

[private diary entry]

If there is one resolution I will fight to keep in this new, terrifying chapter of my life, it can be neatly stated in six words: I will not become my father.

I loved him desperately. I feared him more than any other.

It scares me out of my wits that I've developed something bordering empathy for him. I never understood why my mother was a forbidden subject. Were it not for the constant stares, the sneers, the disdain and revulsion I inspired in my peers and superiors, I would have forgotten she existed.

The Time Lords never let me forget that I was different. They never will.

I assumed she was an amusing diversion gone horribly wrong. Whenever I attempted to ask about her, his eyes turned cold and hard. "She is gone forever," he'd say. "That is all that need be said."

I understand now. The more comfortable I am, the sharper my future comes into focus. I will lose everything.

All I can do is smile and try to be what they need. Mine will be a world of sunrises and sunsets and grocery lists and dinner tables and "j'ai guru deva om" and blue jeans and digital video discs and moonlit lovemaking all cycling until it bleeds into one. I fully and humbly submit myself to its mercy, if only I can repeat this to myself for as long as I can stand it: They are my universe, and that is all that need be said.

[/private]

June 11th, 2008

[canon]

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hrm?
 
Behold... My Future
  I will marry Donna.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Gallifrey in our fabulous House.  
  We will have 7 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a orange Bessie.
  I will spend my days as a go-go dancer, and live happily ever after.  
 
whats your future
 

November 23rd, 2007

I'm writing from...well, a fair bit in your future. Mine as well, I s'pose. Not too far, mind you, but any at all is far enough, really.

The day upon which this goes up is a day the Americans call Thanksgiving. It's a lovely thing, really. Bit domestic, but I like the sentiment. Families and friends get together to celebrate all for which they are thankful, and all because a group of stuffy old Puritans and a lovely if confused lot of Native Americans decided to put their differences aside long enough to share. That was hard work, getting both sides to be quiet long enough to listen, but it was worth it. Wish the quiet could've lasted a little longer, oh, what, another couple centuries? But I digress.

I feel like, though the time in which this is going up is one of fear and uncertainty, that I need to commemorate this holiday with a list.

Things For Which I Am Very Much Thankful:

* Jack. You and your team are an extraordinary bunch, and while we still agree to disagree, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You'll always be family, you know that?

* Sarah Jane. My brilliant Sarah Jane. Truly the best, you are. Thank you for all that you do.

* Luke. You continually amaze and surprise me, and that's genuinely saying something. Thank you for taking such good care of your mum.

* Martha. You've been a tremendous friend and a tremendous help to me these last few months. Diamond in the rough, that's Martha Jones. You're going to make one terrific doctor.

* Mickey. I tip my hat to you. Jake as well. True gentlemen you are.

* Jackie and Pete. Oh, I cannot begin to thank you enough. I realize that, in some lights, I've completely turned both your worlds inside out, haven't I? Well... I think we all agree that the end result was worth it. Thank you both for welcoming me so generously into your world and your homes and making me feel part of your family, such as it is.

* Rose. I don't know where to begin. I really do not know. I owe everything to you, really. Oh, if I could only mention... no, better not. You've got enough on your hands when you see this that you don't need anything even remotely paradoxical to deal with. Just know that our future is good. Better than good -- fantastic.

Wow, that's enough treacle to feed a small nation. Better wind this up for now. Besides, don't you lot have things to do like, oh, I don't know, saving your planet?

September 28th, 2007

(no subject)

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hrm?

The Doctor
"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it..."
'What is your personal life motto?' at QuizGalaxy.com


Can't argue there.

September 18th, 2007

mistakes. good and bad.

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tinkering evasively
I can't say much without doing temporal damage, but I figured you lot were probably mad with worry by this point. So here I am, helping. I hope.

Jack and I are fine, and we'll be back very soon. There's more to the story, and we'll have plenty to do that, sadly, I can't talk about. But we're alive, and we'll be back, and soon there'll be a very good explanation for everything.

In the meantime, take care of each other. Please.

July 4th, 2007

I'm terrible at this blogging thing, aren't I?

The trip to Cardiff's taking a bit longer than usual. I can't quite work out why. The coordinates were as exact as I could get them. It's not as if I've never been there before. Well... not that exact moment, but Cardiff, Cardiff I know like the back of my hand.

Well... maybe not this hand.

ANYWAY. What was I saying? Oh, yes! Martha's asleep, so I've been listening to music. Bits of this, bits of that. Seems the Police are touring again in 2007, so I pulled out some of their albums. I forgot how brilliant they were. One song in particular is ringing very true for me at the moment:

Now no one's knocked upon my door
For a thousand years or more
All made up and nowhere to go
Welcome to this one man show

Just take a seat they're always free
No surprise, no mystery
In this theatre that I call my soul
I always play the starring role

So lonely...


Such dark sentiments for such a bright melody, eh? I love a good contradiction.

June 30th, 2007

(no subject)

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flustered
[locked to notthatgeneric]

Normally I wouldn't bother with this, but if you're going to call me out on things, Sarah Jane, then I can call you out just as easily.

I have reason to believe that after our last meeting you've been in contact with Jack Harkness.

Now, what you do is none of my business, and I am fully aware of that fact. However, if for some reason you're trying to interfere with what I'm doing... well, I don't know why you would want to, but Sarah, this is dangerous. I know what I'm doing. Please let me do it.

[/lock]

June 29th, 2007

Oooohh, survey. New survey.

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blue
I didn't like the survey you lot've all been doing, so I found a different one.

Odd Facts about ME
DO YOU SNORE?:I don't sleep enough to know.
LOVER OR A FIGHTER?:Lover, if I get an option.
WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?:Destroying everything. Again.
AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER?:We didn't have them where I grew up. I did like to build things, though.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?:Was on it once. Don't really wish to repeat the experience.
DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?:Oh yes!
WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?:I think so, anyway!
HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?:Used to it. Don't like it, but used to it.
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?:I don't use one.
DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?:I have before, yeah.
HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?:Don't really see the appeal. When you've freefallen thousands of feet, you don't go looking to do it.
ANY SECRET TALENTS?:Loads! Not gonna tell you, though, then they wouldn't be secret, eh?
WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?:It changes. Constantly.
HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?:Yes.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?:No.
DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?:On which planet? (I'm joking.) Sure.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?:Roughly 48.79. I measured once.
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?:I've never tried!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?:Why would I need an airplane when I have a TARDIS? (The answer is yes, though.)
ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?:Er... no.
WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?:Unless it's imperative for your survival, I'm very much against it.
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?:Doubt it. Been wrong before, though.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?:I do, actually!
WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?:Aspirin.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU":In a post on this bloody thing, actually...
IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?:What?
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?:Depends on whose wedding it is.
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:Not thrown at me, that's for sure.
ARE BLONDES DUMB?:I rather like blondes...
WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?:Must be an Earth thing. I don't get it.
WHAT TIME IS IT?:Whatever time I want it to be -- I'm travelling through the vortex.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?:Not any pleasant ones, anyway.
IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?:I've had worse.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?:The 1950s, I believe...
DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?:I can't decide.
IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?:Not in the way people think he is, no.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?:Ha.
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?:Adventure.
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?:Oh, crunchy. Every time.
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?:Yes. Mistakenly, but...
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?:I don't have to do it every day.
IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?:Absolutely.
ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?:Yep!
HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?:Many times.
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?:Brown at the moment.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:...recently.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?:Usually.
WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?:I don't know -- I've only tried mine.
ARE YOU PSYCHIC?:Sort of.
HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?:Yes. Sad, that one is.
DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?:Haven't in a while, but yeah, I'm not bad.
CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?:Oh, I haven't done that in years!
DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?:Sort of.
DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?:Not in this regeneration, no.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?:I believe in what we can do. That good enough?
IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?:Dogs are nice, but I'd say that's a pretty narrow view, actually.
YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?:Haven't really given it much thought.
CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?:I've walked on the moon, does that count?
DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE A MYSPACE?:...what's a MySpace?
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?:Chips, a few days ago.
DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?:No. Never tried, really.
DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:I like lots of someones.
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?:All of them.
DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?:I've never even heard of it.
FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?:I like lots of bands... it feels unfair to pick just one.
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

June 28th, 2007

(no subject)

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lost
[private]

I've made more than my share of fatal calculations and ignorant mistakes in my lifetimes, but never have I been so reckless as to implicate anyone else. That isn't how I operate. I'm the kindly jester, the impish rogue. The charming trickster. I give off an air of complicity that is, in reality, an illusion. Which isn't to say that I don't care, because I do. Oh, do I. To an almost unbearable extent, really. It's just that there's nothing more infectious or more powerful than the us versus the world mentality, and it works, and nobody gets hurt, not really.

It's the price of a millennium's worth of self-preservation. Eat or be eaten, break or be broken.

Anything more is unfair. Anything less is dangerous.

Except this time, it's gone far deeper than I ever intended. I've never been so thrown by a cascade of circumstance as I am right now.

What happens when a temporal anomaly proves me to be the fraud I truly am?

I don't bother with those kinds of thoughts. Instead, I lead her on because I know she's breaking, and a little hope's better than none at all. And all the while, I've got Martha along for the ride, as if things weren't bad enough.

So this is what being in love feels like. Blimey, it's unpleasant.

It seems I have to destroy things in pairs. For once, it would be really nice to manage not to destroy anything at all.

[/private]

June 19th, 2007

(no subject)

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flustered
[locked to i_am_badwolf]

Rose.

Something's about to happen on my side that I don't have time to explain. Suffice it to say that it isn't good, and I won't be able to investigate the rift just yet.

Just know that once I'm back (and I will be back, you have my word on that), the rift is my first priority. This literally crept up on me.

Take care of yourself. I'll be in touch somehow soon.

It's probably not the right time or place, but I haven't said it yet, have I?

I love you too.

+Doctor

[/locked]
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